Wednesday, November 19, 2008

The Meat-i-que

It's been a few weeks, but I must present the story of the famous meat-i-que. First, let me state that I know there will be some amount of controversy about the name...should it be meat-i-que or meat-a-que? Well, I've deliberated on this and have decided that although the 'a' sounds more natural, Englsh is an F'ed up language that rarely is written how it sounds, and for some reason I know that 'i' is just the right way to go. So the i's have it.

The premise: I don't know where or how it started, or who was the brain child, but this idea perculated to the surface of our collective conscious, and came about the day after our Halloween party. Now, as you all know I did not drink at our party. Water. Sorry...I did not drink water at our party, I did drink a sheetload of alcohol. So the next day, was a slow one to start. We all headed over to the Sturgmeo palace. The trick is that everybody that came brought their favorite meat, or at least something they thought I should try. I was the guest of honor, and in my wake was left a huge selection of meaty goodness. There was some yummy chicken cooked in what I believe was a Filipino style, with some kind of light sauce, like a vinagrette or something of that ilk. That was pretty much the lightest thing we ate. Next was the rich, thick Irish beef stew. I call it Irish because there were also mashed potatoes that, when added to the stew, went amazingly well. I really enjoyed the stew, it was it bit strange picking bits of stringy cow muscle out of my teeth, but it was good. Brian brought some Kobe beef which I cooked on the bbq, and that was well marbled, and fatty goodness ensued. I'm sure I've forgotten something, but what I could not forget was my favorite of the day....Korean BBQ short ribs. MMMMMMMMMMM F'ING MMM. Marinated for 2 days, sticky and sweet, and not hardly any fat on the meat. I probably had a pound of this stuff. Damn it was good. I had never had short ribs before and it was just ribs cut in the other direction, across the rib, instead of in line with it. I wonder how they actually cut the meat that thin with the rib there and keep the rib connected. They must have a really sharp knife. I visual a cow essentially being run through a large industrial fan, with these rib bits flying around and being caught by professional rib catchers. With rib catcher mits of course. We all ate so much meat that even the strongest of the meat eaters couldn't even stomach eating any meat the following day. You see, it's like that old idea of when your pop catches you smoking and he locks you up in the closet with a full pack and won't let you out until you finish the whole thing. If PETA was serious about their shite that's what they'd do....force people to actually eat nothing but that kentucky fried chicken crap for DAAAAAYS.

LEt me know if I missed anything, oh there were some nice salads and veggies, but come on, it was a meat-i-que ya'll.

2 comments:

Maria said...

For the love of God! It was not an irish stew. If it was an Irish stew I would've put Guinness in it. It has wine not beer, and a lot of wine at that! The fact that you wackos felt the need to adulterate my beautiful creation is between you and your maker.

Tere said...

It seems to be it should be meat-e-que. Here is some information from barbecuen.com that may be interesting to your readers. I personally like the French version of "beard to tail."

A Brief History of Barbecuing
Theory #1
The true beginning to the Art Of Barbecuing is as obscure as attempting to identify a piece of meat after a thorough grilling by the novice. Rumor has it that the French may have begun the process of Barbe-a-quene which means cooking from the beard to the tail. The meat was always covered with a fancy sauce, thus creating the "French Touch".

Theory #2
Others believe the beginnings occurred with the Caribbean Arawak Indians who, in their generosity, taught the Spanish sailors the Art Of Barbecuing. They placed the meat on green wooden sticks over an outdoor fire. They called it Barbacoa, the name of the wooden sticks. Thus possibly began the outdoor aspects of grilling.

Theory #3
According to the American Heritage Dictionary, the term buccaneer corresponds to the word barbecuer. The first recorded use of the French word boucanier was to refer to a person from the islands of Hispaniola and Tortuga . They hunted wild oxen and boars and then cooked the meat in a barbecue frame known, in French, as a boucan. This French word came from an Arawakan or Tupinamba word meaning "a rack, sometimes used for roasting or for storing things, or a rack-like platform supporting an Indian house". The original barbecuers seem to have subsequently adapted a more remunerative way of life, piracy, which accounts for the new meaning given to the word.

The Real Answer!

After extensively searching for the origin of the word, our own illustrious C. Clark "Smoky" Hale has uncovered the truth behind the word. In all honesty, the truth came to him! You see, Barbecue'n On The Internet had been "live" for about a year when Smoky was contacted by Peter Guanikeyu Torres, President and Council Chief of the Taino Indigenous Nation of the Caribbean and Florida. While most authorities go back to this tribe without any problem, only Smoky was able to obtain the real translation - - - from the great grandson of the Taino Chief himself! Torres translated "barbecue" for Smoky as follows: "Ba from Baba (father) Ra from Yara (place) Bi from Bibi (beginning) Cu from Guacu (the sacred fire) or 'the beginning of the sacred fire father'. He further explained that 'Taino barabicoa' means 'the stick stand with four legs and many sticks of wood on top to place the cooking meat.' He advised that 'Taino Barabicu' means 'the sacred fire pit.'