Alright, I'm under the gun here. It's my last week as a meat eater, and I have been SERIOUSLY slacking on the reportation of the meatitudes. Or, if you prefer the more religious Meatatitudes. In fact, damn, that is a good idea...OK hold up here: It has been written, and so shall it be done:
"Blessed are the poor in spirits,
for theirs is the kingdom of heavenly delicious baby back ribs.
Blessed are they who mourn,
for they shall be comforted by huge large racks of lamb.
Blessed are the meek,
for they shall inherit the earth and squander said inheritance on single malt scotch, cuban cigars, and porterhouse steaks.
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they shall be satisfied with the holiest of holies: the pastrami sandwich.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they shall obtain mercy with an endless supply of BBQ sauce.
Blessed are the pure of heart,
for they shall see God every weekend at the angel’s BBQ (BYOB people, the big man is generous but he’s not stupid).
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they shall be called children of God, and beef jerky shall be their reward.
Blessed are they who are persecuted for the sake of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heavenly mounds of beef brisket."
Gospel of St. Meathew 5:3-10
1 comment:
If you weren't before, you are surely going to hell for that one. But damn! that was funny!
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